WE CELEBRATE THE HOLIDAY OF SHOPPING

We’re religious. Totally religious. An altar at Barney’s. Communion at Crate and Barrel. High Mass at Bloomingdale’s. A sacrifice for any great sale — don’t you dare touch that last pair of Rainman x George Cox Gibsons. No, NO, NO! Please don’t! Here, take our dignity.

Like, #yolo, right?

This is all beginning to sound like a line from Sex and the City. Of course, the fact that we spent the entirety of last night watching the first season of Sex and the City has nothing to do with that. Nothing. At. All. Bug off, Carrie.

Shopaholics or not, here’s our quick guide to the best holiday finds this year, with a whole bunch of ‘if you want to’ blah blah blahs:

If you want to spend all of your paycheck(s) this holiday season, and eat pizza every night for dinner, which we’ve already done (and let’s be honest, that is SO not a sacrifice. Unless, you don’t have enough money for ranch. Then, you’re a saint), Barney’s is having a 40% off sale here.

If you want to spend your money wisely on some of the BEST basics around, and basically walk around feeling basically great and comfy and, okay, we’ll say it, basically awesome (insert ‘sup brah’ expression, because, yeah, basically yeah, we’re just two cool dudes… we really don’t know where this is going. We were just trying to be funny…), Everlane has an incredible gift guide with free shipping on your first order here.

If you want to buy the best trinkets and knick-knacks and thingamabobs, and you’re not in a rush to have it shipped in time for a specific day, The World’s Smallest Pygmy Hippo Shoppe has some of the BEST trinkets and knick-knacks and thingamabobs around, like a Smiley Patch that says “SHIT,” here. Oh no, did we just say, “shit?” AHHHH, shoot.

If you want to buy the best trinkets and knick-knacks and thingamabobs, and you are in a rush to have it purchased in time for a specific day, seriously… just go to the ‘Dollar Section’ at Target. Like, really, how did we not know we needed an indoor mushroom growing kit for $1?! And a miniature lint roller with only three lint rolling sheets for ONLY A DOLLAR? CUTE!

Now, let’s finish off this shopping guide with a few one-liners.

If you want to buy a gift for that cousin of yours that talks way too much about his iPhone (wait, we actually don’t have one of those…), check out THIS IS GROUND and find a distributor/ shop location near you here.

If you want to buy a plant, ummm, buy it at Home Depot? Here?

If you want to purchase a gift for under $15, our top pick is this Gnome Terrarium from CB2, here. Totally useful.

If you want to be the best friend ever, EVER, EVERRRRR, go to Amazon and search ‘5 pound bag of.’ You’ll find amazing options. Here.

And that’s it! That’s our guide. Ta-dahhhhhhhhhh.

Chris: Penfield Jacket (similar/ the only variation they have now) / H&M Sweater (old) / Levi’s 511s / Converse Shoes / Miansai Cuff

Brock: J.Crew Sweater (similar) / PAIGE Cargos / Sperry Topsider Shoes / Kentucky for Kentucky Hat / Han Kjøbenhavn Sunglasses / Miansai Cuff