Side-Effects include: obnoxious smiling with excessive tooth to gum ratio, fourteen hours of sleep on a cloud, laughing so much we fart.
We don’t know if it’s just us — and surely it is, but who cares, we’d like to think we’re not alone — but sometimes we feel like we’re ghosts. Not in the paranormal sense, no, that’s CRAZY, you crazy person. But, in the metaphorical sense that we’ve become illusions of ourselves, racing around the world without ever truly feeling “present.”
To make a Lena-Dunham-Excessively-Boring-I-Just-Spent-Thirty-Minutes-Watching-Basically-Nothing-On-TV story short (i.e. the majority of all Girls episodes; ohhhhh, burn, we’re so shady), we’ve become walking clichés of the “I’m too busy” variety, complete with saggy, puffy eyes.
Ew. Saggy eyes.
Ew. So saggy.
Regardless… cue spontaneously checking in to Axiom Hotel for a staycation, complete with spending countless hours in bed streaming Netflix from our laptops onto our TV in our hotel room. Ohhhh, baby, so hi-tech.
So, here it is, we tried the Staycation Diet.
We stayed in an Executive King Suite and practically slept for fourteen hours, almost the entire time we were at Axiom, set aside the moment Chris giggled and farted because his voice cracked like a pubescent 12-year old. Other than that, we were sleeping.
More details: Axiom Hotel’s located right across from the main cable car turnaround on Powell St., practically three blocks away from Union Square proper, AND it’s pet friendly.
MEANING WE COULD HAVE TAKEN THOMAS, OUR CAT. WHY DIDN’T WE KNOW THIS AT THE TIME? WHY DDN’T WE TAKE THOMAS?!?!
The diet: despite the hotels’ walls being individually built with fiber optic wireless connectivity (meaning: the wifi in the hotel is the fastest we’ve EVER experienced), we turned off our phones and laptops.
WE’RE SO BRAVE. WE TURNED OFF OUR PHONES AND LAPTOPS.
And therein lies the diet. We lost 52 lbs of stress.