Sunday night was the hottest night of our lives. Fact: Chris took a towel, soaked it in the bathtub with cold water, then laid it across his body while laying like a corpse on our bed, whispering, “I think I’m going to die tonight.”
Which brings us to this next observation: people are really dramatic about summer. I’m going to die, it’s so hot, why is it SO HOT?! I’m going to die, I’m so dehydrated, I need a piña colada, like, YESTERDAY. I’m going to die, it’s so cold with the AC blasting, who is IT SO COLD IN HERE?! I’m just going to die RIGHT NOW, why don’t you care?!
All for what we consider to be our favorite season of the year, a.k.a. no one actually likes Winter, because Winter’s totally the DUFF of the seasons. Dramatic or not, here’s what we’re forthwith calling How To: Dress For When It’s Really Hot and You Feel Like You’re Totally Going to Die Because It’s Really, Really, Really Hot and No One Seems to Understand You.
First, you’ll need a pair of short shorts. The shorter the shorts, the closer to a career in naked exhibitionism.
Next, you’ll need our one true savior, the one we worship — Anthony Instant Fix Oil Control. A.k.a. you need to go to the bathroom to look in the mirror, oh, wait, you can just use my forehead, NO, WAIT, you can’t! Because I’m using Instant Fix Oil Control, HAHAHAHA.
NEXT. You’ll need a white tee, a pair of trendy sandals, a baseball hat, a swimsuit, an ounce of dignity to throw out when you cuff your shorts a little too high because IT’S SO HOT OUT AND NO ONE UNDERSTANDS YOU…
And last! You’ll need a pair of sunglasses that allow you to stare at the person’s snaggle tooth next to you. Yes.
That’s it. That’s all you need.
No, yeah, maybe that’s not all… maybe you also need more options for summer whites or maybe you just need to know How To: Summer, OR MAYBE you just really want to wear polos for the rest of your life, which totally makes no sense, but then again, TOTALLY makes sense.